Flying Solo: Dating Do's and Don'ts

For five years, I was a single mother with two boys. And even though I was lucky enough to have a steady guy (a single dad) in the picture, questions came up all the time. Was it okay for all of us to sleep over at one of our houses? Should we take vacations together? When this relationship ended and another one began a few months later, I was in uncharted waters again.
Based on these experiences and the advice of JoAnn Magdoff, a psychotherapist in private practice in New York, I came up with ten rules for single moms. If you're dating�or want to be but feel nervous about it�keep these tips in mind.
1. You make the rules. Many people seem to have an opinion about single mothers, and their advice when it comes to your private life is: Take up needlepoint. Forget them. A single mother can date, seriously or casually. A single mother can be seen out dancing on a Saturday night. A single mother can even have sex!
2. Nobody loves a parade. It's not necessary to introduce your kids to every guy who takes you to a movie. Wait until you're secure in the relationship before you let your kids perceive someone as "Mommy's boyfriend." Have a reliable sitter lined up, suggests Magdoff, so you don't end up bringing children along before you're ready.
3. Don't lean too hard too soon. Resist the temptation to make the new guy a parenting helper right away, adds Magdoff. Until you've actually decided that the time is right, don't ask him to pick up your daughter from ballet just because it's on his way over for dinner. "Hold back," Magdoff says. "Don't have him take on parenting roles until it feels stupid not to. When all three of you are saying, 'But ballet class is right by his office,' then it's time."
4. Nothing but the truth. While discretion is recommended, lying and sneaking are not. If you think extramarital sex is okay, when questions arise you should be able to explain to your children (in an age-appropriate manner) why and under what conditions. If you can't, then don't do it. Behave as you want your kids to when they reach early adulthood.
5. Have your priorities straight. Keep your hormones in check when making decisions. Maybe it's more important for you to be at the school basketball playoffs than away for the weekend with your beau. But on the other hand:
6. Don't be a martyr. Magdoff warns against using your kids as an excuse to avoid intimacy�putting them between you and your social life. In other words, sometimes the weekend away is more important than the basketball game.
7. When you're out, be out. One way single mothers sabotage relationships and act out their guilty feelings, Magdoff adds, is by talking about their children constantly while on a date. "Five minutes max," she says.
8. Don't succumb to pressure. My long-term relationship was a lot more than dating and a lot less than marriage�and was sometimes a little difficult to explain to outsiders. But it was right for me and my kids at the time. I did what I thought best, and that's why I have no regrets.
9. Leave when it's time. One of the more trying moments in a single mother's life is splitting up with someone her kids care about. I know women who have stayed in iffy relationships "for the kids." This makes even less sense when you're not married. Change and loss are part of life, things everyone has to deal with. If a particular bond is really strong, perhaps there's a way for that adult and child to maintain a connection.
10. Expect resistance. Magdoff says, "Lots of times women are dating perfectly nice guys and their kids are horrible to them, especially if it's the first guy after the divorce or the first one you get serious about." One articulate ten-year-old Magdoff knows admitted to his mother: "It's not Bill who's the problem�I like him. It's you. I used to have you all to myself, and now I have to share you." Acknowledge and accept kids' feelings. Say, "I love you as much as ever, but sometimes I'm not here when you want me to be. I like to spend time with my friends, just like you do." Don't let your kids control you�or try and force them to like the guy, either.

7 Smoke Signals Your Man Could Be Living a Double Life!

Would you know it if your man was leading a double life?Would the signs be obvious to you or to your family and friends?Most of the time we know when the top isn't spinning right in our relationships, but we don't want to know so we conveniently "overlook" the obvious when it comes to our men. Other times we're in the dark about their secretive tricks until something definitive happens and the light switch is thrown. Then suddenly everything is bathed in a painfully bright light.Well, never fear...reinforcements have arrived!Now, make sure you read with both eyes and listen with both ears -- BUT be sure you're not looking for the fire unless you already smell the smoke...After speaking at length with several private investigators and divorce attorneys, I'm going to share the top 7 "smoke signals" your husband or live-in boyfriend could not only have another woman out there, but perhaps a whole other family outside of his home with you:Signal #1. He has reason(s) to travel consistently or frequently.If your man has a job or hobby that requires consistent and/or frequent travel--look out. According to experienced private investigators, this is the NUMBER ONE cover for a second, or even a third, hidden family life.Signal #2. YOU are in the dark about his TRUE financial income and/or holdings.Does he have complete autonomy of the household finances? Whether he does or not, how do you know he doesn't have bank accounts you may not know about? Are you sure he doesn't have trust funds, mutual funds, IRA's, stocks and bonds, or even annuities hidden from you? How about credit cards? A credit report may be a good place to check on those.Moreover, what about life insurance policies and wills? Do you have access to a copy of his will? Are you sure you know who's listed as his primary and contingent beneficiaries? Better find out. According to top divorce attorneys, many women are CLUELESS in these areas until either someone dies or it's all aired for a judge to hear in court.What's more, are you sure you know his exact income? And could he possibly receive hefty stipends or bonuses you aren't clued in on? Better get busy finding that out too.Signal #3. He has reason to be in regular contact with an ex-wife or girlfriend but (by either choice or circumstance) you're excluded from most of his interactions with this person.This is a big one. If he has children, property, business, etc. from a prior marriage or relationship, this constitutes reason to be in contact with an ex-whatever. Beware the "old and familiar" syndrome. Sometimes you'd rather not be involved when he's dealing with his ex, but in most regards, that makes it quite easy for him to re-ignite a whole other life with that person.Take note: this sign could also be present with his or YOUR own best friend, YOUR own sister, YOUR own mother, YOUR own daughter, etc. You'd be surprised what private investigators see in their line of work! Don't be a fool.Signal #4. You have little or no access to his pager, cell phone, or e-mail.Another big one, but self-explanatory. Pretty easy to have another woman, other children or in-laws contacting him if he makes sure he's not in danger of you answering the phone, checking on the pager, or reading his e-mail. Private investigators agree -- you shouldn't have to demand access to these things, but they shouldn't be inaccessible to you either...get it?Signal #5. He regularly attends the usual "couple's" events...but somehow you don't.If you find that more often than not, he winds up having cause to go solo to weddings, holiday events or social functions, I'd start scratching what might appear to be the surface and get down to the nitty-gritty of exactly why that may be happening. It could be that it wasn't an event your side of his life could "safely" attend. Perhaps these are the times that his "other family" is on his arm...Signal #6. He's frequently not in the mood for sex or there's been some change in sexual appetite or behavior.Have whips and chains entered the picture from out of left field? Has the "sex talk" suddenly become chock-full of color after 10 or more years of black and white? This could mean sex has gotten more inventive elsewhere and he's ready to spice it up with you too...On the other hand if his appetite for sex has decreased or come to a noticeable halt, chances are he's getting his fill of sex in his other "home" and just plain has nothing left by the time he comes home to you.Signal #7. Last, but not least, if he makes frequent gazes to the left --- something's not right.A psychological indicator that we're using the creative side of our brain is a look up into the air and to the left. If this happens often while he's talking to you, the best way to tell if he's lying is if his lips are moving.If you're already sniffing smoke in your relationship, you may want to go ahead and check for fires. If you find out he has another "life", be sure you don't fan the flames by being passive.

Romance and Pitter Patter: A Successful Mix

No two people showed their love more than Jim and Della in the story of The Gift of the Magi by O. Henry. If you don't remember the story, it was about a poor couple at Christmas. The only two possessions of value in their home were Della's long, beautiful hair and Jim's watch that had once been his grandfather's. As the story goes, Della sells her hair to buy Jim a chain for his watch, and Jim sells his watch to buy Della combs for her hair. This story is about giving for the sake of love, even if you have to sacrifice the one thing you treasure the most.The Gift of the Magi illustrates what this article is about: romantic gestures. A romantic gesture is a physical way to show your partner you care. The important aspect of the gesture isn't its grandness or cost. The intent behind the gesture is the true present. Romance boils down to making the extra effort, even when you think you don't have the time or the energy to show your love. This is especially true when children are added to your love life.To make it a successful transition, all you need to do is learn a few final points about how to keep your romance alive by paying attention to the little things. Everyday gestures of love show your partner how much you appreciate him or her-as a partner, in addition to being a parent-and demonstrate that the relationship is a top priority. When you learn how to protect your investment in your relationship, you and your partner will bask in the rewards of a romantic life together.Make Your Partner a Part of Your LifeOne day over lunch, Bridget told her friend that she felt as though she and her husband of 12 years were just strangers living together under the same roof. They got along like two roommates, or co-parents, without any problems, but something was missing. Bridget reminisced about how close she and her husband had once been and had no idea when things changed. She missed the closeness and had no idea how to get it back. Her friend sympathized with her because she felt the same way about her husband, too.These two women share a very common problem in long-term relationships. Fortunately, this problem is easily fixed: Just remember to make your partner a part of your life.When a relationship passes the honeymoon stage and into the comfortable stage, people often stop sharing things with their partners. This tendency is a normal process of growing closer. People just get busy in their normal routine and don't take the time to share like they did early in their relationship. The remedy is to devote a certain time every day to share the highs, lows, passions, frustrations, memories, hopes, and everything else you go through every day. Keeping the lines of communication open will keep the romance burning bright in your relationship, and that's the key to feeling close to your partner.Talk TimeKnowing someone takes a lifetime, so you need to keep the lines of intimate conversation going. These important conversations will prevent the two of you from ever feeling like strangers living together.Encourage these conversations by reserving nightly time together before you fall asleep to have talk time. You don't have to verbally arrange a time to talk-it's better to keep it casual by creating a habit of talking each night. Talk time isn't a time for serious discussions or conversation about the children; it's more a time for relaxed, fun conversation to get to know each other better. The following are some good questions for you to ask your partner at talk time:
Tell me about your favorite pet when you were a child.
Who has been your best friend the longest?
What's a holiday tradition that you like/dislike?
When you are old, what will be the highlight of your life?
If you could be the creator of any invention throughout time, what would it be?
Tell me about your first day in high school.
What are your favorite smells of each season? Keeping Life BalancedIn most couples today, both people have careers. Dual-career couples often experience an increase in relationship stress and a decrease in the amount of time they have for each other. As long as the relationship is well-organized, and nothing unexpected comes up, work and relationships run smoothly. However, life usually doesn't work that way.Couples must keep their lives in balance. If they don't, their relationships will suffer. You won't fall out of love just because you're a workaholic. But continually putting your other responsibilities ahead of your relationship means that you and your partner will pay in terms of emotional neglect for each other's needs. Get a sitter if you need some time alone. Take a sick day to put your relationship back in good health. Do what's necessary to balance the needs of your life with the needs of your relationship.Making Your Dreams Come TrueToo often obligations in life keep you from maintaining the closeness you originally sought in your relationship. You can combat this by focusing on sharing your life with your partner.Real romance isn't about flowers and candy, it's about daily expressions of love. It's about your commitment to your partner and the actions that prove your commitment. Expressing love is not about the big things you do for your mate, but the small things. These little gestures make your partner feel appreciated, cared for, and special. For those times when you don't feel up to giving, just remember that it's hard to have a vibrant, growing relationship with someone when you are more deeply committed to something else.Even if you aren't comfortable expressing your love, you still need to do it. Be realistic; it's all right if you start out slow. The point is to start. In a great country song called "Me Too," a husband struggles to tell his wife he loves her, but he can only manage to say, "Me too." Of course, she urges him to say, "I love you," but he can't. To reassure her, he talks about all the things he does to say "I love you," but she misses all of them.Let this song be a reminder that sometimes your partner may be trying his best to show you he loves you. Sadly, some people find it difficult to express their love verbally. But this difficulty does not mean they do not show their love in other ways. You just have to learn the ways your partner shows you he cares. Just think of how good it will make your partner feel to know you see how he expresses his love for you. Every effort either of you make to be romantic and to show love counts.Make your relationship a top priority in your life by keeping your full attention on it. Relationships don't stay strong and happy because of mere proximity. Instead, your relationship is happy because you care enough to make it work.

Touch: A Need for More

Touch is crucial for infants and remains important throughout people's lives. In fact, medical research on touch has shown that it improves many situations, for both adults and children, by lessening anxiety, calming fears, decreasing pain, lowering blood pressure, reducing stress, soothing the sick and alleviating loneliness.Because touch offers such benefits, it would be a shame to let life pass you by without the affection you deserve. Even if you have a partner who doesn't touch you enough, you can still touch him or her and get the same rewards. Touch allows people to simultaneously receive and transmit feelings, so it's not important who initiates affection.Sometimes the only thing that a person needs to do is learn how to demonstrate touch. Once they do, nature takes over. This is because people's bodies trigger the production of endorphins (a pleasure response) each time they engage in specific behaviors that center on bodily functions that are necessary for survival (eating, nursing, coitus, and so on); coincidentally, many of the same areas involved in the act of sex.Remember, you are in charge of getting your needs met, not your partner. If you need to be touched-do the touching. You will both be happier for it.

Enhancing Communication in Marriage

In marriages, many arguments and hurt feelings can be traced back to communication problems. It's not unusual for spouses to stay in a continual state of frustration, feeling misunderstood and unappreciated.Unexpressed feelings can pile up and poison the relationship. When you repress your anger, it will always come out later, usually after something minor has upset you.You may find that it's difficult to have a complete conversation without you or your spouse leaving the room before the conflict is resolved. The emotional buttons that your spouse pushes in you can make you want to bolt and get away from your uncomfortable feelings and reactions.Learning to communicate more effectively with your spouse requires that you be fully present and attentive. You have to be committed to really listening and hearing, not only with your ears but also with your heart. You want to eliminate any communication blocks that prevent you and your partner from growing in understanding and intimacy.Communication blocks are anything that you do, verbally or non-verbally, to keep you from connecting deeply with another person. Some examples of communication blocks in marriage are:
Rolling your eyes and looking resigned or exasperated when your spouse is talking;
Sighing deeply and loudly when your spouse is sharing his/her viewpoint;
Looking at your watch or a clock repeatedly;
Not stopping what you're doing when your spouse is trying to have a serious talk with you;
Not making eye contact and not giving your partner your undivided attention;
Using the time when your spouse is talking to think about other things unrelated to the conversation;
Tuning your spouse out because you've heard the same thing repeatedly and are convinced it's the same old speech;
Becoming defensive and angry immediately instead of showing your partner the respect of hearing him/her out;
Belittling your spouse, name calling, cursing, shaking or pointing a finger, or getting in his/ her face.
Interrupting your partner before he/she is finished talking. It has been said that for every minute you are angry with someone, you lose sixty seconds of happiness that you can never get back. It just makes good sense to do everything you can to preserve the good will and intimacy of your marriage when conflict, anger, hurt feelings, and disagreements occur.If you truly love your partner, you will not want to rip him/her to shreds verbally, or to ignore or discount differing opinions and beliefs. You will want to do everything you can to insure that you have quality communication in your relationship and that you are communicating your caring, love, and respect to your spouse.Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "The most important thing in any relationship is not what you get but what you give." While you cannot control how someone else will react to your efforts, you can commit to doing all you can to create a safe environment where intimacy can flourish.

Control Issues That Cause Marriage Problems

Have you ever been irritated because your spouse does things differently than you do? Do you get upset if he or she has different opinions and makes different choices than you would? If so, you have bumped up against some of your own personal control issues and triggers in your marriage. Here are three important points to consider:

1. Fear underlies control issues.
Control issues cause problems in many marriages. The feelings you experience at those times can be very intense and may include rage at the other person. Most people feel more secure when others around them mirror their opinions, beliefs, and choices. Your safety needs and fears contribute to your wanting others to be just like you. The old adage, "There is safety in numbers," refers to this primitive fear of standing alone.

Also, many people feel more in control when they can predict the behavior of others and when others meet their expectations. Then they don't have to experience the discomfort of growing, changing, or stretching themselves. Instead, they can pretend that their world is logical, orderly, predictable, and safe.

2. Thinking your spouse should be just like you harms your marriage.
Your control issues are also triggered by viewing your spouse as an extension of yourself. This perception can result in trying to dictate which clothes your spouse wears, how she wears her hair, who she is friends with, what political views she holds, and what she can or cannot do. While your spouse may initially make some changes trying to keep the peace, you are creating a parent-child dynamic in your relationship that will eventually foster rebellion and resentment.

3. Using insults and name calling are attempts to regain control.
While nothing sinister is involved in many control issues in relationships, pathological behavior can be triggered in some instances. For example, a partner who is angry that the spouse did not follow his dictates could become physically and emotionally abusive. The partner may think he has the right to "punish" the other person. Name calling and derogatory put-downs, such as "What a stupid thing to do," are often used to re-establish control over the other person.

It's easy to point a finger at your spouse and to state that he or she needs to change. It's hard to face your own unresolved issues head-on and take responsibility for how you need to change. As you become more aware of control issues in your marriage, the starting place for change is always with yourself and your response to what is happening.

Ten Ways to Add Romance to Your Marriage

Every marriage needs a healthy dose of on-going romance to add spice, delight, and fun to the relationship. It's not enough to just start out with a sizzling romance. You have to find a way to keep the romance alive as the months and years accumulate.

One of the marital challenges many couples face is how to live together without losing that special romantic spark. It's all-too-easy to lose the role of lover along the way. When this happens, spouses often start relating to each other as they would to a friend or a sibling. Parents can begin to feel they are only "business partners" joined together to raise their children and keep the household running.

How can you keep romance alive when your daily work schedule is grueling, you're always short on time and energy, and you're not sure what to do? Here are ten tips to help you sprinkle romance into your marriage:

1. Pay attention when your spouse mentions things he or she likes or expresses interest in something that could make a good gift, such as a new CD, a book, or theater/concert/sports tickets. Be on the lookout for ideas for birthday, holiday, and anniversary gifts, plus "no reason" surprise gifts. It's very flattering to know that someone really tried to find a gift that was just what you wanted.

2. Frequently offer foot massages, shoulder massages, and full-body massages to your spouse. You'll get plenty of romantic brownie points in your "relationship bank account" if you keep some great-smelling lotion handy and take ten minutes to massage your spouse's tired feet at the end of a long work day. Note: If you expect to be rewarded for your efforts by sex, you won't accumulate any points for being romantic. Your spouse will just think you have an ulterior motive when you offer a massage in the future.

3. Giving sweet cards and letters to your spouse can be romantic, as can emails and phone messages that share your feelings and passion. Handwritten letters sent through the mail are becoming more and more of a rarity. That's good for you because that means your spouse will think you're really romantic for taking the time to write a love letter by hand and mail it. That will make more of an impact than just sending an email if you want to get extra brownie points.

4. Another way to be romantic is to look for opportunities to pamper and spoil your spouse. That might be letting a spouse sleep in late while you watch the kids, or it could be telling your partner to sit down and relax while you clean up after dinner. The key is in the delivery of the offer. You might say, "Nothing's too good for my sweetheart" or "You're such a love. It's fun to pamper you." You can accompany your words with a hug or kiss

5. Talking in front of your spouse to someone else about your partner's good points is romantic. Take full advantage of opportunities to say, �I'm so lucky to have such a supportive wife (or husband)�she's such a treasure. I'm a lucky man." You can also do this when you're talking on the phone and know that your spouse is within listening range. If you're not sure your partner heard you, when you get off the phone ask, "Did you hear me telling my sister what a great husband you are? I was really bragging on you!"

6. In the romance department, flowers, plants, candy, or a special home-cooked meal never go out of favor. Many females love to receive beautiful fresh flowers or a box of delicious chocolate candy. Both husbands and wives can appreciate the efforts of a partner to put together an intimate, special home-cooked meal by candlelight with music playing and flowers on the table.

7. Surprise your spouse with a framed picture of the two of you in a setting that will bring back pleasant memories. Another option is to frame a picture of your spouse that shows him or her in a flattering way and let your partner know how much you love the photo. Keep it on your nightstand, computer, dresser, or desk and let your spouse see you looking at it admiringly.

8. Take the initiative to plan a surprise weekend outing. Call and make all the arrangements ahead of time. The outing doesn't have to be expensive or complex. It might be as simple as planning a picnic at a nearby scenic spot. You might prepare the surprise picnic lunch when your spouse is in the shower. Or you might make arrangements for a restaurant to pack a gourmet lunch for the two of you that you could pick up on your way out of town.

9. Music that you and your spouse both like can set a romantic tone. If you see a movie that you both enjoyed a lot, you might consider buying the sound track as a surprise gift the following week. You could also select a song that you both like and decide to make it "your song." Or you could pick a song and tell your spouse that it reminds you of him or her for some positive reason.

10. Celebrate every occasion you can think of�the anniversary of the day you met, when you became engaged, your marriage anniversary, your birthdays, seeing the full moon, and anything else you can come up with. You can toast with champagne (or non-alcoholic champagne) and perhaps have a celebration meal. But it can be just as fun to make a big deal out of going out for an ice cream cone to celebrate.

Couple's That Play Together Stay Together

It's no secret that you're generally happier in your relationship when you're having fun together, but new research from the University of Denver actually supports this.

"The more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner, the happier the relationship will get over time," says Howard Markman, a psychologist who co-directs the university's Center for Marital and Family Studies.

"The correlation between fun and marital happiness is high, and significant."

While it may seem obvious, this is something that gradually declines over time, slipping away with the increasing responsibilities of life and work. It's especially in couple's where both spouse's work. Add in children and parenting duties and it's even more challenging for couple's to find the "we" time together that they need. Neglecting your "fun time" together can lead to problems down the road, so start scheduling in a little time for yourself.

How Gender Comes Into Play

When it comes fun and bonding in relationships, it's not surprising that men and women see things a little differently. Researchers say that the connection between participating in activities together is even more important with men as they are more likely to call their spouse their best friend.

According to Les Parrott, a psychology professor and author of relationship books, "Intimacy and friendship for a man is built on shared activity, but for women, shared activity is a backdrop for a great conversation. What she wants on date night is a time of intimacy and friendship. He's disappointed because she'll never go to a game or golfing, and it's during shared activities that his spirit is most likely to open up."

It was also discovered in the study by researchers that men and women perceive "dates" differently. When surveying men and women regarding how long it had been since their last date with their spouse, women, on average, said that it had been twice as long since their last date than men did. Their definitions of a "date" are different as well. Women tend to define a date as a 'planned-in-advance' outing with their husband putting in the effort. Men, on the other hand, define grabbing a cup of coffee as a date.

Activities to Avoid

It's important to note that not all activities build positive relationships, despite the fact that you may be doing them together. The two most notable included watching TV and using the internet.

• Watching TV.
  While you may be cuddling on the couch together, this is more of a solitary activity rather than an engaging activity that encourages you to have fun and focus on your partner.
• Computer time.
  This is another solitary activity, even if you happen to both be glancing at the screen.
• Movie Theaters.
  While you're technically "out" together, you spend the entire time focused on the big screen rather than each other!

Activities to Enjoy

The best fun often comes from new and exciting activities. The idea is to engage each other, try new things, and create great memories!

Do's and Don'ts

• Do something different.
• Do something exhilarating.
• Do something that neither of you have done before.
• Do stretch your boundaries.
• Do get out of your comfort zone.
• Do get creative.
• Do compromise on activity ideas.
• Don't opt for the standard dinner date.
• Don't insist that your spouse do something they are uncomfortable doing.

Activities

There are so many

• Rock climbing
• Sailing
• Attend an art class
• Bike riding
• Golf
• Hiking
• Take a cooking class
• Water-skiing
• Hot air balloon ride
• Join a ballroom dance class
• Go-kart racing
• Mini Golf
• Sign up for a karate class

5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Stock from Falling

It's well known that that finances play a big role in a relationship and that financial stress often means doom for many marriages. In fact, studies show that money is the number on cause of marital problems, even over other hot button topics. With the economy souring, those that let the stress and anxiety infiltrate their relationship as well could see the same type of bust that we've see in the stock market.

Rather than let your relationship falter, follow these five tips to keep your relationship stock rising.

1. Save money. Have Sex.
   Skip out on the expensive dates and engage in some good old fashioned bedroom gymnastics. With all of the economic worries in today's world, you'll not only save money, but you'll strengthen your relationship at the same time.
   
   
2. Invest in your relationship.
   The stress of worrying about money, jobs, and the economy adds more stress on your relationship. While it's impossible to completely let go of all everyday stress and worries, the key is to make time for yourselves a priority. When you're figuring out this week's budget, make sure to budget for a night out for the two of you. If you cut back on quality time together, your relationship stock could falter. Instead, invest a little time and money each week into your relationship and you'll reap big returns.
   
   
3. Nurture your relationship nest egg.
   You may be avoiding the stock market lately, but don't hold out on your relationship as well. You always hear that it's the little things that count the most and it's 100% true. Small, random acts of love, such as holding hands when you're walking, big bear hugs, and unexpected kisses go a long way. Nurture your relationship by increasing your intimacy. Make an effort to touch one another, to cuddle, to hug, and to kiss. The more intimate you become in everyday situations, the stronger your relationship becomes.
   
   
4. Keep your interest rate up.
   When negative external factors, such as the economic difficulties we are currently experiencing, start to impact your relationship, the results can be devastating. The key here is to balance these negative forces so that you don't transfer them to your partner. For any fighting or complaining that occurs, make sure that passion and kindness occurs more often.
   
   
5. Watch out for falling passion.
   As difficult as it may be during tumultuous economic times, keep the stress in check. Research shows the stress decreases your libido, putting your relationship at risk for entering a passion rut. When your sexual relationship enters a rut, you risk distancing yourselves, which could lead to extramarital affairs, relationship splits, and more. The key is to lessen your stress, or at least effectively manage it, so that your sexual relationships do not suffer. Make a conscious effort to keep that passion rising in your relationship.

Marriage and Politics

With the election right around the corner, tensions can run high in relationships, particularly in those relationships where spouses or partners have opposing political views. It's not uncommon for their to be differences in beliefs from religion, to finances, to politics.

Famous couples like Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger and James Carville and Mary Matlin set an example for all two-party relationships out there! It's possible to have a successful and happy marriage even when you fall on different sides of the political fence. They key to these successful relationships is that you have a lot more in common in other areas of your life than you have uncommon in politics. The same applies if your differences are religious or financial. Keep your focus on those areas in which you agree rather than disagree. And in those areas in which you do disagree, simply agree to disagree.

5 Ways to Keep the Peace

1. Agree to disagree.
2. Do not ridicule your partner or their opinion, but rather respect their opinion.
3. Listen to your partner when discussing politics rather than turning a deaf ear.
4. Allow your partner to have their own convictions and do not try to change these. Instead try to understand their opinions and positions. You can understand and respect their views without agreeing with them.
5. Focus on the middle ground. You more than likely agree in some middle areas when it comes to politics, so focus on those rather than on your extreme views.

Debate Rather than Fight

Ultimately, you must remember that when two partners hold views on the opposite sides of the political spectrum that arguments are inevitable. Most of the time these arguments can lead to bigger fights as the issues at hand are unresolved because you disagree at the core. It's important to recognize that instead of focusing on your ideological divisions, challenge yourselves to healthy debates based on the facts.

According to Gail Saltz in MSNBC's A House Divided, couples should avoid personalizing and globalizing when fighting. Instead of turning arguments into personal attacks, keep them focused on the issues.

If you find yourself attacking your partner personally, step back and remove yourself from the argument.

When Compromise is Impossible

There are times when your ideological differences cause such a rift that you find it impossible to compromise or 'agree to disagree'. Often one partner will need to let go of a strong conviction in order to reach a compromise and if this isn't done it can lead to significant marital distress. If you find yourself arguing frequently and with greater intensity or distancing yourselves from one another it may be time to seek help from a marriage counselor.

Marriage Advice

Have you ever wondered "what is the secret to a long and happy marriage?" Our collection of tried and true marriage advice tips will help you answer that very question! These secrets to a happy marriage come straight from the horse's mouth -- those who are happily married!

1. Never assume.
   
   
2. Compliment more than you criticize.
   
   
3. For each time you vent about your husband/wife to your friends, tell three positive stories.
   
   
4. Remember that it is ok to do things differently (e.g. there is more than one way to peel a potato or fold the laundry).
   
   
5. Always make time for the two of you.
   
   
6. Marry someone that you enjoy listening and talking to.
   
   
7. Remember that marriage is sometimes a bed of roses and sometimes there are thorns.
   
   
8. Remember that the best gift that you can give your children is to love their mother/father.
   
   
9. Be fair! Split the housework, spending money, etc evenly. This way you are never resentful of your partners contributions (or lack of) or expenditures.
   
   
10. Never go to bed angry. (Unless it's 3a.m. and you're exhausted, angry, and not thinking straight.)
    
    
11. Remember that people do fight. It's how you do it that matters.
    
    
12. Before starting an argument, consider if it's really worth it.
    
    
13. Fight naked. ;)
    
    
14. Agree to disagree.
    
    
15. Never, ever mention the "D" word (divorce).
    
    
16. Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?
    
    
17. Respect each other's privacy.
    
    
18. Remember that "love is like childhood. You need to learn to share."
    
    
19. Marriage is not 50/50, it's two people giving 100/100 all of the time.
    
    
20. Surprise each other now and then.
    
    
21. The secret to a happy marriage is two TV's!
    
    
22. Have date night!
    
    
23. Never pass up an opportunity to say "I love you".
    
    
24. Hold hands.
    
    
25. Hug & kiss every day (several times a day actually!).
    
    
26. Always believe that you got better than you deserved.
    
    
27. Be quick to say "I'm sorry".
    
    
28. Choose the one you love, then love the one you choose.
    
    
29. Keep the in-laws out of your marriage!
    
    
30. Love isn't always a feeling, it's a decision.
    
    
31. Hang in there. It's worth it.
    
    
32. Play nice, play often, love much.
    
    
33. Never air your dirty laundry as a couple in public.
    
    
34. Never keep secrets from each other.
    
    
35. Be each other's champion. No matter what, take your husband or wife's side first!
    
    
36. Communication is the key!
    
    
37. Always respect each other.
    
    
38. Never underestimate the power of a good belly-laugh and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.
    
    
39. It's the little things that matter most.
    
    
40. Never use the words 'Always' and 'Never' in a fight.
    
    
41. It's ok to argue, but never use curse words to express your anger.
    
    
42. Never compare your marriage to others. What you see on the outside is not always what it is on the inside.
    
    
43. Don't make love in the same place/position everytime. Variety is the spice of life!
    

6 Steps to Happiness in Your Relationship

Life, love, and relationship all have their ups and downs. While you hope to live a fulfilled and happy life, you may feel empty and lost at times. You can feel true happiness in life and your relationship right now with these six steps to a happier relationship.

Accept.

Before you can be truly happy, you must first accept where you are in your life and relationship. Rather than focusing on the things that your relationship is missing, focus on the things your relationship has. Rather than focusing on where you thought you'd be in your relationship or life, focus on where you really are at the moment and what you have accomplished thus far to get to that point. Only after you accept where you are and make the most of it, should you then begin to focus on where you want to be and what steps you can take to get to that point. Most of all, learn to be happy with yourself and where you are in the moment.

Learn.

Always remember that you can never know everything and always be willing to learn more. Relationships take work and care. You've probably heard the saying "you can't teach a dog new tricks". Well, it's 100% untrue. Whether you're newly dating, newlyweds, or celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary, you should continue to learn "new tricks". Continuously learning new things about your partner, things to spice up your relationship, and more will bring you happiness and joy.

Simplify.

Work towards simplifying your life. Lack of time and resources put tremendous stress and strain on relationships, so the key is to lessen these obstacles. Evaluate your life for tasks, expenses, or other things that over-burden you and take away from your relationship. Instead, schedule time each day for yourself. A little "me" time goes a long way in improving your spirits, making you happier in life and love. Financial stresses are the number cause of divorce these days. Work towards a plan to eliminate financial burdens such as non-essential bills and debts. Without the excess worry that financial instability brings, you'll feel more at ease and happier in life and in your relationship.

Anticipate.

Once you're happy where you are and begin working towards a happier future together, start to anticipate and look forward to that future without it be the sole possibility of happiness. Embrace your hopes and dreams with a newfound happiness that holds the promise of continued happiness throughout your life. Anticipating your future together is like looking out into a clear blue sky with the warmth of the sun embracing you. If you are happy in your life and believe in yourself and the promise of your future, the anticipated happiness of the future will become reality.

Spread Happiness.

Wherever you go throughout your life, continuously spread your happiness, not only with your partner, but with friends, family, and strangers. There's no doubt that you'll have those cloudy days, but the joy of a relationship is that your partner is always there to bring the happiness back. Smile at one another. Laugh together. Spread joy. After you spread the happiness to one another, move outwards. Smile at the person that seems to be feeling down. Give a hug to the person who is crying. Wave at the stranger passing you on the sidewalk. The more happiness you share, the happier you in turn will feel.

Be Thankful.

Always, always, always be thankful for who and what you have in your life. Make sure that your partner knows how truly thankful you are that they are in your life. Take a moment to thank them for doing something for you. To thank them for the cup of coffee. To thank them for those everyday moments that you have together. To thank them for their love. Be thankful for little things that you often overlook. Be thankful for the tough times and the strength that you share that carries you through them. Embrace one another and just be thankful that you have this moment to be thankful together.